Disclaimer: I acknowledge that this is not an official Department of State publication, and that the views and information presented are my own and do not represent the Fulbright U.S. Student Program or the Department of State or the Fulbright Foundation in Greece.

Saturday, August 27, 2016

truth and courage



~

A year ago, my life changed forever.  A year ago, I stepped on a plane with two suitcases and a backpack stuffed to capacity.  A year ago, I left for Greece, on what can only be described as the adventure of a lifetime. A year ago, my life changed for the better.

And today, I am acutely aware of the fact that I am not getting on a plane that will take me across the great wide blue into the great wide unknown. Instead, I am sitting in my room in the basement of my childhood home, trying to imagine myself on that plane again. My heart stretches, reaches, desperate to leap across the ocean. My mind tries to rationalize and remind of the decisions made in good conscience. My spirit encourages that my next steps will be, too, a grand adventure. My fingers labor across the keys, desperate even more than my heart to process this all.

My life will not be changing in the same way that it did exactly a year ago.

That being said, I am determined to make this again a day that I can look back on as a day that changed my life.  Because today is the day I am deciding that I am not through changing—I am not finished living.  Today I send these hopes and thoughts and intentions—on winged words…

Apart from putting out the hope that some major life changing phenomenon—or something even better—will happen, I intend to live out life changing and refining, mindfulness, and sense of the present. Every day. Wherever I am, and however it might look or not look at the time. So for now, that means gearing up for a new school year in a new school with a new batch of fresh-eyed fourth graders.  That means transitioning back into a new school setting and setting up the ins and outs of my own classroom (my first real solo classroom). Right now that means living in the moment, and making the most of the time that I have, while also looking forward to hope, set intentions. That means being an active participant in my life—inciting change, not just waiting for it to come and sweep me away.

And so now comes the catch. Because opening yourself up to and seeking change, by definition implies vulnerability. And the fear makes you want to duck your head and lick your wounds, as you sit complacent and deceivingly comfortable, but ultimately stagnant as life passes you by. But a life lived creatively, lived changingly, nay even just lived, involves choosing daily (sometimes hourly or even by the minute) to choose courage over fear.

Indeed, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness” (Brené Brown, Rising Strong).

I heard these words while on a run a few weeks ago: they came calling through the earbuds of the headphones connected to my phone playing Brené's audiobook. I hear them again as I sit here writing (as I sit here vulnerable and baring more and more of myself with each stroke of the key). They are the words I repeat to myself every time I think about possibilities. They are the words I cling to when I begin to hope and then start to hear the voice of fear niggling in my mind: “that’s too much of a long shot, I can’t really expect that anything so good could happen after Fulbright, I shouldn’t press my luck, shouldn’t ask for more.”…

But vulnerability means truth and courage. And that is the life that I want to live. So I type those words, these words. And I let those words of truth and encouragement ring in my head to drown out fear. And I type on. Winged words have come to rest in my head and give me space and safety to send these winged words to you. And Brené's truths that she shares are words that I would never have heard (she is an author I never would have read—her recommender a friend I never would have gotten to know, and what a shame that would be to not know), had I not travelled halfway round the world (one year ago) in pursuit of an opportunity that truly changed my life…

And so now, here I am, and again I tell you this is my intention. To live a life “being a verb” instead of “becoming a noun”, as the poet Mark Nepo posits. I am not a teacher or a writer or a former Fulbrighter or just a person. No. I am teaching, writing, reeling still in my adventures abroad last year, sharing old ones, inspiring other’s ones, and chasing new ones. Learning, loving, living, being, becoming, trying. I am here to tell you that these are the words I want to carry me into the next adventure of my life. Whatever that might be, however that might look, wherever that might lead.

Because when you travel abroad you will come back different. And if you don’t, then you did something wrong. I traveled to Greece and I am not the same as I was. I am better. But I recognize that I have much still to learn, more room to grow (so much more!). I want to learn, love, live.

At the risk of sounding cliché, I had to go halfway around the world to find myself. My year in Greece through the Fulbright program changed my life. I keep saying it was the adventure of a lifetime. It was. It truly was. But I’m only 23. I don’t want it to be the only adventure of my lifetime. I have a lot of years left to live, I hope, I pray. And moreover, hopefully many more adventures left, too.

It’s been 39 days since a plane brought me back from that adventure—and I still need more time to readjust. It has been 365 (well, technically 366 since it was a leap year) days since I left for that adventure. But I am here, and I am determined that my lifetime will hold more adventures. I am determined to make this again a day that changes my life. Scratch that: a day wherein I change my life.

~



Sunday, June 26, 2016

Meteora: The islands in the sky are real…



~

I am on a train headed to Kalambaka. A train that is taking Gracie, Jeanine, and I for a quick weekend trip to Meteora. They haven't seen it yet and I wanted to see it again, with all hopes it would be in the light of day, under a clear sky this time. When the opportunity to go this weekend came, I didn't want to let it slip away. I want to see Meteora again…

We are on the train. And we are sitting in one of those compartments where three seats face three seats. Jeanine, Gracie, and I are on one side, the side facing backwards, that is, in the opposite direction of the direction we are traveling. So we don't greet the landscape as we pass; rather, we get to say hi and bye as it sneaks around our shoulder and moves away from us at whatever speed it is that a train travels..

The mountains in the distance. A clear sky. Dusty, dry land punctuated by bursts of green and old, crumbly buildings. The hum of the train, the clanging of the rails, the mumble of conversation coming from neighboring cars, the gentle snore of the sleeping little girl in her mother's arms across from us, and her cousin, too, asleep, (and both with a cough that I imagine would make us more worried if it weren’t for the months we’d just spent becoming immune to all sorts of delicious little kid germs at school).

We are on the train. It's 9:18 in the morning. Not quite an hour has passed yet. Oh boy. It really is a long train ride. I wrote two pages of blue in my journal. I read a chapter on courage and creativity in Liz Gilbert's book "Big Magic" that was really good (consider this an official book recommendation: if you haven’t yet read it, go get your hands on a copy ASAP!).

"Do you have the courage to be creative, to try? The hidden treasures inside of you hope that you do..."

We are on a train. But this morning I was still at home. Woke up with my alarms today. Tired because not a ton of sleep but that was to be expected. But I woke up ok. Gave myself enough time to wash my face and reorganize and double check my packed bag; straighten my hair, get dressed, eat breakfast and...out the door, down the hill, excited for our trip!

We are on the train. But to get here to where we are, we needed to first walk a ways and then take a cab and then take the metro (and don't forget to change to the red line at Syntagma!). But we made it with no problems. And with plenty of time. And now...

We are on the train. 

~

Now, we are not on the train, but we will be soon. It's Sunday and we are on a bench outside the train waiting to go home. Time to catch up again…


The trip we made to Meteora this weekend really was incredible.  And everything, really fell into place.  The tours we took were well-organized, very nice, and extremely affordable. (with VisitMeteora.travel).  But, if for some reason, geography makes such a trip less than accessible, come with me now and see Meteora for yourself—that is, until you can go and truly see it for yourself…

Sunset tour
Saturday 4:30-sunset (obviously… J)

Meteora translates to “suspended in the sky”.  And the moment you step off the train you can see why.  Thunderous towering cliffs jutting up and behind the buildings of the small, sleeping town of Kalambaka—like a little kid’s randomly placed sand castle towers or something from a movie (think Avatar when they first arrive—and if you think that sounds impossible, then you’re thinking the right thing. Drop the doubt right there and embrace the magic.  Because the moment you step off the train, you feel this place—you feel how truly special and wonder-full and awe-some it is…).



When I stepped off the train and stretched my limbs, this is the sight I was greeted with. When I had gone to Meteora one rainy Saturday in January for just a quick trip, the clouds had covered more than I realized.  Now they were lifted and my eyes widened in amazement (that might sound cliché, but, like literally…).  I had missed so much the last time, because of the clouds.  But if it was that amazing then, well now…

Anyway.  So it’s just downright amazing.  But the wonder doesn’t stop here.  Climb further into the waiting folds of the mystical mountains with mystery carved and embedded in every gentle curve of stone…

Well, and if you’re into that sort of thing, go and climb these magnificent rocks.  Rock climbing is important to the locals (like this one!). 



And if you time it right, and visit just after Greek Orthodox Easter, you can go for the ceremony or for the aftermath of the ceremony to honor St. George. The story goes: in the early 20th century, a young Muslim couple moved to the area and planned to settle in beneath these stones that have looked on and watched the lives of those who come to be in their presence for years.  As they were building their house, a terrible accident befell them (if I remember correctly, something like a tree actually falling on the husband).  The man faced death.  A couple of locals nearby heard the cries for help and came, but could offer no help, save to comfort and encourage with prayer.  They told the young wife to pray to St. George and offer some sort of sacrifice.  At their urging, she did just that, taking the scarf she wore around her head and giving it as offering for her husband’s life.  They received a miracle that day.  And now, every year, locals in Meteora climb and leave scarves here in this rocky opening to honor St. George and the miracle that happened that day. Climb now today and take just a scrap of the fabric; they say: the one holding the scrap will have good fortune in meeting/marrying someone...



But if you’re not up for the climb right now, just hop in one of the air conditioned tour buses and let them guide you through the towering rocks, from monastery to monastery—breathtaking sight to breathtaking sight.



See Άγιος Στεφανος: a monastery built in the 14th century. It took several generations to build. Imagine, laboring day in and day out to create something that you would never see.  To make your mark on this place that can’t help but leave a mark on any and all who linger even a moment, humbly in its presence.  At some point, it was abandoned for 100 years. However, it was maintained by dedicated locals who again saw the importance of contributing to something they might never see the full reapings of. After this 100 year abandonment though, the moastery was turned into a nunnery. And 35 nuns still live and take care of it today (even better than the monks ever did!). Sitting majestically, accessible now by a bridge, it overlooks Kalambaka and the most fertile plain in Greece (from which nearly 20% of Greece’s harvest springs).


Inside, the monastery-turned-nunnery, but just outside of the actual church, see a board suspended in the opening.  This is the tantalum.  That is, a board/paddle that is hit as a call to faith—to honor/mimic Noah hitting the plank to call the animals to the ark. 



It’s a bit strange that hardly a word was ever written about the marvels of Meteora over the centuries.  Even now adays, it still remains pretty well-kept secret. (I mean, before coming to Greece, I thought it was pronounced “meteor-a” and was only the title of one of Linkin Park’s cd’s that I remembered from my middle school days…).  It makes you wonder how a place like this can be kept so secret—and it adds to the mystery and wonder of it all as you wonder.  You’re standing here now and you still wonder if it can actually be real.  But anyway.  There is one mention of it in Homer’s Iliad.  The town of Kalambaka which sits in Meteora’s shadow used to be known as Ηθομη (Ithomi), 3000 years ago during the war of Troy that is famously and poetically painted in the verses of that epic poet. Later, the city would swap its illiadic name for a new one Αγρίνιο. And then a third time to bring it closer to its current name: Καλαμπακ which translates roughly to “look at the rocks”.  This identity crisis of sorts happened in the 15th century.

Now, Kalambaka claims a population of 12,000 people. Perhaps they were all sleeping or trying to escape the heat the day we were there, because, aside from the occasional employee, taxi driver, and old man or woman sitting on their porch or walking along the side of the road, there weren’t that many faces to greet you.  (But the older men and women we did come across, offered a friendly “γεια σας“ in return to our smiling wave). 

Moving on. We can’t talk about Meteora and the monasteries here without talking about the Orthodox Church that supports them and has its essence painted on the walls, poured into the mortar between the bricks.  When we speak of the Orthodox Church, we speak of the Christian faith as it developed in the Eastern Roman Empire/Hellenistic world, which later became known as just Byzantine. Here there are flags at every monastery (and you’ll see them at churches and such around other parts of Greece, too): the Greek flag (in all of its blue and white glory) and the flag of the Greek Orthodox Church (a bold yellow background for the double headed eagle, one head looking east, the other west—symbolizing the dividing of the church). 


And thus provides us the perfect segue into the next stop on our tour: one of the oldest Byzantine churches in Greece. Built on a foundation of and incorporating into its structure rocks/marbles from as early as the fourth century BC, this church (like most Byzantine churches), this church includes three distinct sections, all facing east, and is purposefully decorated by very specific and prescribed art that tells a story (one of judgment and one of faith, both necessary to faith).  Our tour here was a bit more brief and awkward than anticipated.  See, we unwittingly became “baptism crashers” and stood huddled around our tour guide rushing through his spiel while baby Thodoris' began his grand adventure in this world and received his name.  ...Oops...

Carry on.  And pause now to look up at any one of these giants and see : caves and indents carved out by wind erosion that carries tiny particles away over time. To try and even fathom what it would be like to lay eyes on these before they were touched by man...to find them unspoiled... to be the discoverer… If this is what it's like thousands of years later...all that can be said is just wow... 



Oh, and now try to fathom being one of the first to live here—and not only that, one of the hermits who came here to live alone a life devoted to prayer and work in isolation.  There are hermitages in the caves on the side of these rocks. Late 19th century saw the last hermit monk. He climbed up there and took two years to build the scaffolding on his own, refusing any offer of help. He then lived out the remainder of his days and died up there. The upper cave became the site of a church for St. Gregory. Two years ago, a group of monks went up there with their smartphones to see, and brought back with them the first pictures of that sacred place. 


Facing these hermitages is a monastery built on the side of the rock. Above the brick face of the building is a canal used to divert the waterfall from the rain. 



More quick snapshots of this place: the village under Meteora burned to the ground during WWII.  The locals had to rebuild everything from the ground up. 


Between those rocky giants is a lone, almost easter-island-head-looking rock: “Finger Rock” : thread the needle. 


Prison rock: a rock with caves that became temporary holding cells for the monks who didn't quite abide by the rules of the Abbot (head monk).



Grand Meteoron, the largest monastery founded in 1340 by the monk, Anasthasis. This is the one I visited the first time I came, when it was shrounded in misty mystery by January rain clouds.  A different view this time. But just as incredible. The clouds have run away for the day, revealing so much more. The islands in the sky are real...



Now chase the sunset...





~

When did you ever think you'd be here? See this?

Those islands in the sky--they're real. And not only that, but you're on top of one right now.

In a sweet silence that calms. And a light breeze that cools. With friends that make the trip worthwhile... 

You could look here everyday of your life and never cease to be amazed. In awe you have walked today. 

In a place that transcends noise and worries and elevation and gravity and time... You become a part of this story and you hear the story of these rocks and the people who have walked before you. Echoing in the silence, hiding in these caves, whispering their secret to you. 

And now you know. And here you are. 

~

~

Someone shared these words with me while I was here—and they resonated and resounded off the rocky walls. And like a chord struck sends sound waves out into the open void and causes without even a touch of contact for nearby strings to also waver in harmony, so too did these words after echo…

"Nature is the second great power of our world. The beauty of it is a grandeur that reminds us a lot about the important things in our life. But the first; the first is love. Because its substance is immortal, invincible..."



And in nature we see love—out of love sprang such beautiful creation...such attention to detail.  The reason you can see hidden beauty in every crack, crevice, tree (even that lone tree on top of that distant rock over there...)—is because of the careful, loving stroke of the artist's brush... And this beauty of nature inspires love: that's why these monks spent literally centuries building these beautiful offerings of love—to the God they loved and dedicated their lives too, yes. But why make it neat and look beautiful too if not out of love for the nature you are becoming one with... Out of love, they carried stones, lived and died just to add a brick of loveliness to these islands in the sky.  Not for themselves, and not even just for those that would follow... Love stirs in the hearts of those who gaze on these rocks in awe, and feel something—moreover, feel a part of something. For hundreds of years... And love for their heritage and their home and wanting to preserve the holiness of it, these locals still climb and they preserve it on their own... Love for the people you are with, for those you share these sights with back at home, for the beauty of creation that surrounds you. A testament stronger than any other, right before your eyes, and you still can't believe it... This is exactly right: "The beauty of it is a grandeur that reminds us a lot about the important things in our life..." The beauty of this place reminds me of faith, believing in the unseen and the unbelievable, patience, hard work, dedication... And most importantly—love. And the greatest of these is... 

~



Morning Tour
Sunday 9-1ish



In the 10th century came to Meteora the first hermit. And others would come after him across the centuries.  At one point, no less than 20 lived separately together in the caves on this one rock : a veritable apartment building for hermits. They came together, though, to form the first religious community here, and decided to build the Church of Panageia (Holy Mary) of the/on the Holy Spring. The church still stands and locals come to the shrine here daily to light the candle (the supplies are already there in the cabinet below). 



Two and half centuries later after that first, trail-blazing hermit, the first monks came from Athos, fleeing pirates. The kingdom that stood here welcomed, supported, and protected them in their endeavors. 

In the fourteenth centuries (so roughly another two and a half centuries later), Afathasios and Ioaseph came and became the founders of the first monastery, Great Meteora. 




Fun Fact: Women were not allowed inside the monasteries until 1933—and even then, it was a controversial call and almost didn’t happen. The statute forbidding females was called the Rule of Abboton (that is the rule of the Abbot, or the head monk). And it reined for centuries as not a single female footstep fell upon those monastic steps (or the pulley rigged up to reach the top—a more risky version of an elevator…).  But then, one day, one of the monasteries caught on fire and the monks called for help. First respondents were women from the village who were walking nearby. The monks inside faced  the dilemma of whether to abide by the rule or accept female help. In the end, they accepted help—and by extension women were accepted. The rule now broken once, it lost its power and governing power. And women have been allowed ever since. 

The first nuns, then, came in the 1960s. Now, they outnumber the monks 55 to 12, residing in two (well-functioning) monasteries-turned-nunneries. 




Thankfully, roads and staircases now make the monasteries accessible.  But that hasn’t been the case for even 100 years.  The first staircases were installed in 1921. Before that, there were only wooden ladders or the occasional rickety pulley that left you dangling slowly inching up the face of the cliff like a ton of bricks.

In the early 20th century, there were only two active monasteries, Varlam and Grand Meteora. Now, in the 21st century, there are six active monasteries (two of which are now nunneries), though a couple of them only have perhaps a handful of monks residing there, or even only one. These are the monasteries that you can visit, to hear the echoes of faith and marvel at these ornaments added to these islands in the sky. There were once many more than six, and you can see the ruins still from some.  Some have been maintained by devoted locals so that they still keep up appearance even if they’re not currently functioning.  Two monasteries were destroyed in the early 19th century by Ottoman Turks because they supported the revolution and cause for Greek independence by participating in revolts. An active stance in the world wars also brought attention and devastation to some of the monasteries.

Oh, perhaps you’ve seen a glimpse of Meteora even if you hadn’t realized that’s what you were seeing. The Monastery of the Holy Trinity, where one monk still resides, is set on top of one of the sky islands and had it’s 15 seconds (or maybe 1 minute and 15 seconds) of fame and big screen debut a couple decades ago.  It was backdrop for one of the chase seens in the 007 James Bond movie "For Your Eyes Only".



Neighboring Meteora is the prehistoric cave, Theopetra, which translates to the gods' stone/rock.  


What is interesting about this sight (besides bearing testament to life lived and holding even more stories echoing its walls across the century) is that it is one of the only sites in the world that exhibits both a shift from so called Neandrathals to modern people, and also the shift from an existence as hunter-gatherers to farmers after an agriculture revolution. It is also contains one of the oldest constructions that has been officially dated by scientists, presumedly to protect the constructors from cold. The cave is the site to two found burials, both laid to rest in the fetal position because the people believed they were returning their loved ones to the womb of Mother Earth. Also strangely cool and interesting, the cave contains the footprints of 8 year old kids, hopping around in the ashes, preserved forever (we just can’t seem to escape τα μικρά παιδιά (little children) on our weekend trip/break from school—even in the oldest cave...).



And now one last stop. Cross the plain of Thessaly, the most fertile plain. See the rich, green, sprawling expanse… Mythology speaks of very ancient tribes that used to live here. It is said that Athenians descended from Lapithes of Thessaly—who lived here then moved south and colonized Attica. If you ever make it out as far as Meteora, maybe hop over to Athens too and see on one of the marbles of the Parthenon depicted the battle between these Labithans and centaurs. 


And anyway. That’s Meteora.  It’s real.  These islands in the sky are real…



~

I like to think of these rocks, these islands in the sky (with their smooth, undulating rock faces, towering up and above in the sky, with hidden crevices speaking secrets, trees and green draped over the cool surfaces—covering like a holy tapestry, history sculpted out of stone and built on top of it, an extension of the story, the story never ends, living breathing rock...)...I like to think that they were carved out over the years by the wind, sculpted by breath, an exhale that echoes your own soft inhale of awe, whispered words that tell now the story of these rocks suspended in the sky, that add every day to their story their own, that carry the secrets and the hopes and the faith of those who trek here to these tranquil trails every day for the last thousand years, even before, still after, seeking a piece of the peace, seeking to hear in the silence and see in the mystery something in the secrets of this place, of this world, of life...





Saturday, April 16, 2016

3

3

That’s the number of weeks we spent travelling around Europe over Christmas break.

3

That’s the number of weeks in January that I thought it would take me to edit/upload/process the corresponding blog posts from that trip of a lifetime (and in my original thinking/intention setting, those 3 weeks were meant to be consecutive…that didn’t quite happen).

3

That’s the number of months it actually took me to finally finish polishing and posting those portraits and ponderings of our adventure across Europe.

3

That’s the number of months that have passed so quickly, so fully, so… that I’m left breathless, wondering where that time has gone. (and what I can possibly barter to get some of it back—though I know that’s a wish you only dream…).  But assured too that most of that time was 3 months well spent.  That these last 7 months (how has it been 7 months!?!?!) have been well spent. 

3

That’s the number of months we have left…

2

It takes 2 to make a connection. 

2

2 feet to carry you to the places you want to go.  2 hands to hold, to reach, to grasp onto every moment. 2 ears to hear the life that is around you.  2 eyes to see.  To really see.

1

That’s the number of weeks until my parents and sister arrive on a plane—a trip that seemed so far off when I was boarding the plane end of August.

1

That’s the number of chances that we have to live and be present and make the most of each moment.  

1

If you missed the last one, here comes another moment.  Grab it before it’s gone.

3

Faith. Hope. Love.

3

Months to make the most of, to make last.

okay.

and then it’s not 0.  Unless you let it be. But after 3, comes 2, and after 2 comes 1.  And that’s your next moment, your next opportunity to live… Live


3

βήμα βήμα

βήμα βήμα

Step by step…

Sunday 27 March 2016

Okay.  So recap of today.  Woke up.  Ran a half marathon.  With Bridget. 

We talked about connections and the art of asking and steps along the path and choices. 

And we made connections and we kept running and we powered up the hill. 

And we passed trash and decomposing dogs and saw clouds resting majestically on rolling mountains above the deepening valley stretching below.

And we finished strong.

—we started together almost three months ago and the steps we took carried us this far. 

I literally wouldn’t have been there this weekend if it weren’t for the connections I have with Bridget and with Spyros. 

And I metaphorically and really wouldn’t be the person I am today and figuratively where I am today if it weren’t for the people I have connected with in my life.  Who have shared parts of the journey, steps along the path, no matter how big or small, far or short. 

We made it. 

We’re making it. 

We saw some really incredible and impressive ancient sights.  We added our steps to the countless who have walked, who have ran there before us.  And paved the way for more steps to follow.  Connect across the breadth of time spanning out around us.  Appreciate those steps.

We had another off-roading “adventure”. 

We saw more serene and magnificent shades of blue than you can find on the multitude of 5-shade, cardboard, paint color samples at your local Menards or Home Depot—more shades and with a depth richer than I ever dreamed existed in the Artist’s palette, and breathtaking views almost every direction we looked. 

We shared the journey together. 

βήμα βήμα

~